Waking up consciously into a black Caribbean family who only knew how to survive in America shaped me.You see, most of us black immigrants leave our hometowns to escape corruption only to come to America to taste the alluring promises of the land of the "free". The land of the free comes with an catch: the" American Dream".You see the "American Dream" is not inclusive. Sometimes the "American Dream" means sacrificing your "pursuits" in order to feed you children future.
For those who have black skin knows the American Dream comes with great struggle. Struggles that comes in the forms of frontal/hidden attacks, racial attacks and overcoming generational traumas, self-sabotage and disparities to much to count. Although some of us are born on the territory of American soil, most of us won't truly experience the " American Dream". That's because we are in a fight that has been reduced to the very variable we can't change; our skin color.
Growing up, I was told that I won't be able to pursue a career in fashion because of my complexion and because as my father eloquently put it" You are not the daughter of President Clinton". My parents taught me survival because that's all the new. Survival was just enough for them to satisfy their "America Dream" . Wisely, they directed me to the direction of "just enough" to survive. Respectively, I did and thanks to them, I am able to support my self and family. We are all in short just "surviving".
But the thing is the very composition of my heart was a different script, a different life, different rhythms and different direction. My blood would itch to the very thought of surviving and accepting my complexion as the very reason for sacrificing my calling. I know because I tried.I know because I serve a God who is impartial and created variety of peoples, giving them a chance to exercise the taste of freewill. I suffered greatly internally and emotionally because ,in fact, I was not living my full potential. My freedom is the arts. Every chance I got to express and feed my calling, I felt alive, I felt human and purposeful.
However,there was guilt and fear that crumbled my expression of purity. Such guilt and fear later turned to anxiety and depression. Instead of submitting myself to taking poorly prescribed medication, I decided to preform my own healing arts. Healing self of mind,body, heart and soul. Part of that healing included submitting to the calling that God has placed in my molecules. That's when suddenly the dark clouds started to lift away and my days became more worthwhile.
Living a life I loved required that I believe again. I decided to start my business so that I can continue the journey of my self healing. But also healing my parents and everyone around me who thought real success will be dependent on their skin and economical status. I do this for my unborn babies, my children babies, and future generations. I want to initiate a pathway of freedom for them. So that they can physically see and hear that their mother defeated the odds and decided to BE.